Soften my heart, Lord!

I don't doubt your love, I don't doubt your care. You are my God, I believe all you promises, I know you're holy and trustworthy. But I'm torn apart between what I know and believe deep inside of me and what my logic and facts tells me. I know you hear my prayers, I know you care I have no doubt about that, but at the same time there's no reply, which makes me feel angry and want to blame you for being slow or not caring enough but that would be wrong, I would be lying to myself to justify being distant from you, to give myself excuse for my anger to grow, for my heart to ignore your voice!

What shall I do? For I know that Your ways and my ways could be different sometimes.

I want you but honestly I don't want to let go of my anger yet. I feel I have the right to be angry, but again who am I to judge my God, the creator of heaven and earth? I'm still alive because you still want me here, I'm saved for eternity because of your grace. Do I really have any right to tell you how to get things done? Do I have any right to get upset when things get on the edge? Do I have any right to blame you when I feel where is my reward for being a good girl recently? Do I have the right to questions your ways?

OMG WHO AM I TO THINK I CAN TALK TO GOD THIS WAY? If it shows anything it shows your extreme love for me, as your child I'm hitting my head against the wall and You patiently waiting for me to stop yelling and screaming, so you can talk to me and comfort me and give me peace. You dont want me to go through the hard times alone, but will I give you the chance to do that, or will I be stubborn, wanting things my ways, because I feel I waited so long for your ways! I love you so much and I'm so sorry I cross the line sometimes! Soften my heart because I still can't let you in!!

Thank you for being patient with me!!